What I have come to know is this — some bends in the road are made by God. They sweep left in a constant arc and as I prepare to lean my motorbike, my whole being becomes focused in that one moment. There are no distractions. No stray thoughts about bills not being paid, friends who haven’t called or lovers who’ve decided to leave because I haven’t given them enough attention.
I don’t think I ever really understood Kate. In the beginning she was happy. We’d go to the movies, we’d screw, lark around some and we’d sleep. I understand living with a woman requires more content. But things shifted and she didn’t wait for me to catch on or catch up. Her note on the fridge was full of anger. She was leaving, and I should wait before I called her.
I like to ride my motorbike — to get away and just ride. I like the way it helps fix me in the present. When I tour, there is nothing except now. No place except here. That makes decisions simple. Do I turn left, or do I turn right? It doesn’t get much easier than that.
Kate should have given me more of a chance, a bigger hint that something was wrong. Her way, I’ve been tried and found guilty, without knowing I had even committed a crime.
Maybe I did know a few things. I’ll admit she told me a few weeks ago about some things that pissed her off. She said I wasn’t attentive enough. Said, I used to listen to her, I used to hear when she called me and I would respond. Now, I ignore her. She also reckons I don’t touch her lovingly anymore. I don’t put my arm around her. I don’t spoon with her in bed, and when I do touch her it’s only because I want sex.
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