THE chances of a British person falling ill with avian flu will be as low as 1 in 100 million even if the virus infects birds in Britain, the Government’s chief scientist said yesterday. Link

You gotta love these scientists. They know everything, and nothing. In this case the UK’s chief scientist is claiming that bird flu is nothing to worry about. Well, I suppose that’s true — there’s not much to worry about if you don’t go around kissing chickens or eating them rare.

However, what this know-all statical maven hasn’t mentioned is this: If — and maybe it’s a small if and maybe it’s a big fat if — but if the virus mutates — I mean we’ve all seen the movie and viruses do mutate and become airborne. Well, if that happens, this scientist won’t be too worried, he’ll be holed-up in his specially controlled environment laboratory along with the politicians who are also telling us not to worry.

Us — that’s me and you — well be out here standing in various lines, wearing a government issued smog mask, arguing with some equally scared 20 year old army sergeant and dropping dead like flies.

No need to scare yourself silly about Global Warming — well not yet anyway. Take a look across the pond at Indonesia they have just confirmed a 27-year-old woman who died on Monday in Jakarta had bird flu — that’s 20 people who have died of bird flu in Indonesia since July.

Meanwhile the French are also getting worried. One little old Turkey with the flu has caused their poultry industry to drop by more than thirty percent. French scientist and politicians (who we all love and trust) are saying that it’s okay to eat well-cooked eggs and chicken meat.

I suppose if you like your Sunday eggs fried (or poached) with hard shrivelled up yokes and without any hollandaise sauce, well then, that’s okay. Personally, I’m off to cook some good old Aussie lamb chops for breakfast. Honey, where’s the barbecue sauce?