I’m no friend of Greenpeace. Not sure why but they have never seemed that kosher to me. Plus, I find they act a lot more interested in themselves than in the stuff they are supposedly fighting against.

Anyway, the original Rainbow Warrior was bombed and sunk in New Zealand in 1985 by French intelligence, on the orders of Francois Mitterand himself — the then President of France. That act resulted in the accidental death (some might call it murder) of a Dutch photographer called Fernando Pereira. Another piece of arrogance to add to the numerous disasters that has been French foreign policy over the past 40-50 years eg. Indochina,Algeria and of course Moruroa Atoll.

In 1989 Greenpeace commissioned a replacement vessel and also named it the Rainbow Warrior. It remains in service today as the flagship of the Greenpeace fleet and it’s that ship that I snapped in Victoria Harbour, Hong Kong around October last year.

Basically, you download one of their audio guides load it on your MP3 player and then it’s just you and your headset as you stroll around the city, in your own time and at your own pace.

Get me a ticket to Venice.

When I was younger I spoke a reasonable French but got discouraged because I was never able to speak it well enough. By that I mean ‘well enough’ for the Parisians that I had to parlay with back then. In the end I got fed-up with the raised eyebrows and started speaking to them in English — they of course would reply in French. It was only a short jump from there to decide — if they understand English then why am I bothering with French!

I also had a short foray into German but I found German hard to learn and like French I had a real problem finding the right gender for a cup of tea.

Last year I visited China and let me tell you nobody, I mean, NO BODY speaks English in China. There were no signs in English and no English speakers. I travelled alone in the boonies but I found my hotels, I bought my bus tickets, I ordered my food and I did it all without speaking one single word of Mandarin, to anyone.

The Chinese people I met understood me, eventually, as I did them. They laughed thinking it funny that I didn’t understanding simple Mandarin words and concepts. And sometimes one of them would grab my hand and sit me down and try to explain whatever it was with a gentle smile on their face as if to say: Now listen here John! I am speaking to you in kiddie-talk and I’m doing it veeerrry slooowly and distinctly so that you’ll understand.

In truth, communication in China was often accomplished with surprising ease. Rarely did I experience frustration or anger or disinterest and I often experienced considerable warmth and patience accompanied by lots of happy smiles.

Will I be heading off to learn another language soon? I’m sure there are many good reason why I should, but for now I’ll stick with English and the universal language of a smile.

Meanwhile the French are also getting worried. One little old Turkey with the flu has caused their poultry industry to drop by more than thirty percent. French scientist and politicians (who we all love and trust) are saying that it’s okay to eat well-cooked eggs and chicken meat.

I suppose if you like your Sunday eggs fried (or poached) with hard shrivelled up yokes and without any hollandaise sauce, well then, that’s okay. Personally, I’m off to cook some good old Aussie lamb chops for breakfast. Honey, where’s the barbecue sauce?

It was sent to me by one of my pommy (a pommy is an Aussie name for a Brit) relations. I suppose the French must be upsetting the Brits again!

The email read:

This is on CNN and Reuters so it must be true!

President Chirac has officially raised the French terror alert from “Run” to “Hide”.

There are only two higher alert levels in France, which are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France’s white flag factory – effectively crippling their military.